How Many Polygamous Families Are in the Us

What if your husband came to you and said, "I desire another wife?" Even though polygamy is illegal in America, experts say there are 30,000 to 50,000 people living in plural families across the country.

For most people, the discussion polygamy conjures up images of child brides dressed straight out of the 1800s. On September 25, 2007, this stereotype was farther reinforced when polygamist sect leader Warren Jeffs was convicted of being an accomplice to the rape of a fourteen-yr-old girl. Yet the isolated, cult-like communities only tell half the story. The other side shows extravagant homes in typical suburban neighborhoods filled with willing wives and dozens of children. What is life really like in a polygamist community? Lisa Ling investigates the changing face of plural families and explores communities that both make and break the stereotypes.

Valerie considers herself a typical soccer momexcept her husband has 2 other wives and a total of 22 children in the house. She is her husband's third married woman and has eight children. Past sharing her story, Valerie hopes to show a different side of the polygamist lifestyle. "My hope is to alter some of those stereotypes, pause the stereotypes that people havethat information technology'southward oppressive and calumniating to women and children, that we're all living in these cults and being brainwashedI don't live similar that. I live in just a piffling suburban neighborhood and my children go to public schoolhouse. I feel like we take a very normal lifestyle."

At the aforementioned time, Valerie says that a plural family is not always piece of cake. "It tin can be hard when a wife goes out the door with your husband," Valerie says. "We have had jealousies and at that place have been those times and we can't sugarcoat it and say that, 'Oh, it's and then perfect and we love it and we dearest anybody.' Y'all know, we all accept our hard times but like whatsoever other people."

Ali and Vicki, the two other wives in Valerie'southward family, stayed at home during The Oprah Prove taping because Vicki was expecting her seventh baby, bringing the firm total to 22 children. Ali is not only the first married woman in the familyshe is also Valerie's twin sister. "We take a really good organization where nosotros piece of work together with one some other," Valerie says.

With 22 children to look after, Valerie and the other wives rely on each other for support. "It's a lot of managing and everything like that. All of our children are in sports or music, and then we become this big calendar and we say, 'Okay, I've got music lessons this day' and 'Tin can you have the kids while I go to soccer this mean solar day,' and it merely kind of works."

Valerie says she considers herself the 3rd wife although she and her husband are non legally married. "I call myself his spouse but legally I am not. That'due south just a label I put on myself."

Although Valerie is open near her plural family unit, her married man would not appear on photographic camera. "It's likewise much of a risk for him," Valerie says. "Utah law is really absurd, considering if a man were to alive with another woman too his wife and and so call her a wife and support her children, that'due south criminal and they tin can get zero to five years for that. That's considered a third-degree felony. But if they choose to take a mistress, then there'south a blind heart or a flash, and that's really unfair in this society."

Instead of hiding in fear, Valerie wishes she could alive her life openly. "We really hope to see [polygamy] decriminalized. Not necessarily legalized considering I don't think necessarily that it should be for anybody. Merely I feel similar I should take the right to alive this way when this is a globe of such alternative lifestyles," Valerie says.

Later two weeks of negotiating, Lisa Ling and The Oprah Bear witness crew were granted entrance into ane of the nigh exclusive polygamist communities in the country. Centennial Park, Arizona, is domicile to approximately 1,500 people. Pictured here is Richard'south business firm, who has three wives. Ruth, some other Centennial Park resident, takes Lisa on a tour inside a xxx,000-square-pes mansion with three levels, three wings and 33 bedrooms. "The homes in Centennial Park are just these enormous, palatial houses. They are but never ending, some of them," Lisa says. She asks Ruth if it is fair to call Centennial Park a polygamist customs. "I call up information technology's fair considering it'due south a fundamental conventionalities for nigh of us, whether they alive it at this time or non," Ruth says.

How do these families afford to alive in mansions? "Certainly not all the homes are that deluxe but a lot of them are, considering they do take enormous families and the people in Centennial Park seem to be very hard working," Lisa says. "What's also interesting about these very large plural families is that everybody contributes. Then it'due south non similar the wives are all abode taking care of the family unit. Some of them may be, but some of them may be contributing to the economy of the familyand the kids as well."

It is very rare for a polygamist human being to speak publicly about his relationships, but Richard, a successful businessman who lives in Centennial Park with his iii wives, agrees to let Lisa visit his abode because he says he wants to show the earth another side to polygamy. "I'll simply come out and tell you, I feel very blessedthis lifestyle is wonderful," he says. "Nosotros bring these women into the home and they are treated incredibly. They have every convenience and every single matter that can exist provided for them. So information technology's a very mutual relationship."

What kind of office does love play in Richard'southward marriages? "Love plays a huge role, and it plays a role in each one of my marriages," Richard says. "I love these ladies." As far as sleeping arrangements go, Richard says he sleeps in his chamber and his wives each accept their own sleeping room. "My options aren't for gratification of my lusts," he says. "The activities that nosotros practise together as a couple are private and nosotros take those relationships."

Richard met his first wife, Julena, in high school. Next came Tina, Julena'due south sister. And finally Rebecca, Richard'south co-worker joined the family unit as the third married woman. Now, the three women seem to be inseparable. Although they all beloved the aforementioned man, Julena says this doesn't crusade any disharmonize betwixt them. "We're fulfilled with other things," Julena says. "Nosotros're fulfilled with friendship." They have become so shut that if anything were to ever happen to Richard, Julena says that her decision to detect a new husband would include Tina and Rebecca as well. "Nosotros'd probably stay together," Julena says.

Rebecca says she thinks the three wives get spoiled more than than Richard does. "There are times in our lives where we're caring about each other so much, sometimes he gets forgotten. Sometimes he has to fend for himself," she says.

Julena says there was no strength involved in her plural union. "Information technology'southward our choice. We wanted to," she says. And if information technology came to the point where they were unhappy and no longer wanted to be in a plural matrimony, Julena says, "We would leave"simple as that.

Curious nigh Richard and his wives' sleeping arrangements in the hotel room? Richard says that he slept with i of his wives while the other two slept in a separate room. "It's not this big decision matter," Richard says. "It's kind of the way the family unit's going and the manner it kind of works out. Certainly we have choices and we direct our life the way we desire it."

Richard says in that location is no force in the decision and his wives are intelligent women who await Richard to exist a good married man and male parent. "They know very much what they want, and then you've got to go on up with that," he says.

Julena says she does not feel jealous when Richard picks to sleep with another wife instead of her. "I get plenty of time. I get whatever I want. My relationship with him is very special, and I get as much time as I want with him," she says.

Richard says he has a unique human relationship with each of his wives. "But is in that location a fashion I feel almost each one? Admittedly. This isn't cattle. These are very intelligent people and they have desires and they have needs and they have wants, and so you kind of feel those things for each other."

Richard, Tina, Julena and Rebecca all say they feel responsible for how their relationships are managed. "We have intendance of each other's needs, information technology's not him taking intendance of us," Julena says. "We're taking care of each other, the four of united states of america."

"Sometimes ane of us can requite somebody else a different perspective. It's almost like a advisor," Rebecca says. "Y'all take two counselors there all the time, merely someone who truly knows what you're facing, what the situation is every day."

With three women in the same firm, jealousy and injure feelings seem similar they would be a abiding problem. However Richard says his wives know how to avoid those conflicts. "They take an incredible ability to space themselves throughout the dwelling house. It'south not similar there's women on peak of each other all over the identify. They're all doing different things."

What if they wanted to expand the plural family to include even more wives? Julena says the entire family would discuss it first, only that she would look forward to it. "It'southward a blessing," she says. "This is a belief we truly believe in. It's sacred to us."

While many people think plural marriage is synonymous with forced wedlock, rape and child abuse, Richard says the reason he agreed to speak outrisking prosecution, since polygamy is illegalis to open a dialogue. "This is a big step for people to look in and say, 'You know what? Yep, [plural union] may not be my personal option, but information technology is a choice,'" Richard says.

Richard says the goal he shares with his wives is to raise children with opportunities and values. They volition not, he says, strength them to accept plural families of their own. "We are for choice, for what people want to practice when it does not harm other people," he says. "We concur our children and the raising of our children and our family very sacred."

Lisa'due south next end in her investigation into the secret globe of polygamy was Colorado City, Arizona—home to Warren Jeffs and his followers.

When his father, Rulon, died in 2002, Jeffs assumed command of the largest and about secretive polygamist sect, known equally the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, or FLDS. Jeffs allegedly controlled the marriages of his followers, assigning wives to favored members and taking wives away from others.

In May 2006, Jeffs was placed on the FBI'south ten Most Wanted Listand was later featured on America'due south Most Wanted based on charges that he organized "marriages" between men and underage girls. In Baronial 2006 he was arrested near Las Vegas. And in September 2007, Jeffs was bedevilled on two counts of accomplice to rape. He now awaits sentencing and a second trial in Arizona on multiple charges of both cohort to incest and sex with minors.

Lisa's guide in Colorado City is Carolyn Jessop. Carolyn was raised by three mothers and has 36 brothers and sisters. At 18, she says she was forced to marry a powerful 50-yr-old FLDS leader, Merril Jessop. Carolyn had 8 of Merril'southward 54 children, but she says she was always drastic for freedom. Four years ago, she risked her life by taking her children and escaping Colorado City in the eye of the night.

Carolyn says her ex-husband and Jeffs were very shut. She says Jeffs always chose young, pretty girls for his wives. "When I lived in the community, he had up of 60 [wives]," she says. "But I've heard stories and reports now from people who have left that at present he has upwardly of 180."

Carolyn and Lisa's first terminate in Colorado City is Merril Jessop's former business firm. She says she was Merril's fourth wife, but he added a fifth and sixth wife within six months. As they stand up on the street in town talking, passing cars honk their horns at Lisa and Carolyn. "I'chiliad certain nosotros were not here for very long before word was circulated through the entire community that at that place's media hither," Carolyn says.

Just Carolyn says she isn't scared of FLDS members. "I think I've got a lot of forcefulness in standing up to things I believe are wrong so I'one thousand not intimidated by it," she says. "I know that it makes them very angry I'm hither."

After leaving Merril's house, Carolyn and Lisa adjacent go to see if they can speak with Carolyn's sister. They knock on the door and hear people within, merely no 1 answers. "It's tragic but then information technology'south non shocking," Carolyn says. "When you exit this, y'all know what your consequences are and this is one of the consequences. It doesn't make it easy."

In her volume Escape, Carolyn Jessop recounts her life in Jeffs-controlled Colorado Cityand her dramatic escape. "I was non going to leave my children behind and so I basically escaped during the night when my ex-husband was abroad and information technology was very, very frightening."

She says she wasn't able to only leave considering her husband was so powerful and close to Jeffs. "I basically knew besides much," Carolyn says.

Carolyn says the polygamist community that she was in was very isolatedthere was no television, Cyberspace, radios or newspapers. "Warren Jeffs locked this community down," she says. "They imposed, essentially, a morality police force strength that would rat on women if they weren't adhering to the proper clothes code and have their hair a certain style."

Lisa says she observed stark differences betwixt the two polygamist communities of Colorado Urban center and Centennial Park. "Many of the people from Centennial Park are actually from Colorado Metropolis," she says. "But when the FLDS evolved, the folks from Centennial Park broke off. And they're really a much more moderate and liberal people."

While Centennial Park seemed similar an open community, Lisa says Colorado Urban center felt very different. "We knew that we were being watched, obviously," she says. "People's houses had mirrored windows so people inside could see out, just you lot couldn't see in. It was just and then surreal that this exists in the Usa."

"When I left [Colorado City], it was like landing on another planet," Carolyn says. "I didn't even understand that in that location were bones human being rights that I actually possessed as a woman. I was used to doing what I was told to do and you do not question."

Meanwhile in Centennial Park, Lisa says, "Richard has five flat screens in his business firm."

Carolyn says she thinks the best mode to reduce the negative effects of polygamy is through decriminalizing information technology, because legalizing would be most impossible. "You'd have to rewrite every law that pertains to matrimony, and in that location's no manner to practise that without jeopardizing traditional marriage," she says. "If there was a way to decriminalize it, people could live honestly and in the open up and with dignity and their children could be more mainstreamed. Then the children would have more options."

Hear what the teenagers of Centennial Park recollect about where they alive.

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Source: https://www.oprah.com/relationships/polygamy-in-america/all